TO COLLEGE AND BEYOND! Task 6: Living on Purpose
Any film scene, set on a classic ivy league college campus, peers through the classroom window into the lecture hall where the eccentric philosophy professor is challenging students, and on the old-fashioned blackboard is written this question, “What is the meaning of life?” It is the quintessential college assignment to answer this question, both broadly and personally.
Once your child has a clear answer to the question “who am I?,” the next task that begs attention is, “and what is my purpose?” Chickering’s sixth vector is DEVELOPING PURPOSE. This is where your young adult postulates why they are here on this Earth and what they want to do with the time they have been given. Their answer to this question will likely serve as the motivating factor for the rest of their life pursuits.
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We all have a reason for why we do what we do. It is based on what motivates us. . . fame, fortune, money, faith, approval, connection, growth, mastery, passion, interests. Now that your child has a grasp on what they believe, like, and desire, it is only natural for them to make plans to pursue those things. Some of those plans are geared for immediate reward-- like finding a job, accruing money, obtaining housing, and seeking a life partner. Other plans may be more global or altruistic-- like leaving a legacy, making a difference, or contributing to the betterment of society. They are ready to pursue their dreams with concrete plans, and they are more realistic about objectives to achieve these goals and potential outcomes. They are ready to commit to a course of action and are energized to imagine their future potential.
As a parent, it is important to remain as both an experienced consultant and an enthusiastic cheerleader as your child ventures off into the world in pursuit of their dreams. If you have negotiated an adult-adult relationship with your child, and established mutual respect and trust, it is likely that your child will still seek you out for advice, information, and support. Your life experience and wisdom can be a valuable resource to their success.
You may experience another level of grief in letting go if they choose to move away and/or have less time for connection. This is the natural cycle of life-- launching your child is the end goal of child rearing. But it may also leave you looking for a new purpose for yourself!
It is also important to consider your own stage of life. While your child may be gung-ho for all that their career, financial potential, and future family life offers, you are likely more focused on winding that all down. You have pursued your career goals for the last 25-35 years. You have raised your family. You are preparing for retirement, grandparenting, and downsizing. You are probably looking back on what you have accomplished thus far with your time-- what goals you have achieved; what legacy you are leaving; what purpose you have fulfilled. Some people may embrace handing the baton off to future generations, ready for empty-nesting and new adventures. Others may feel disappointed, rundown, or disillusioned with where life has brought them. It is important to recognize these feelings in yourself and not let them squash the enthusiasm, optimism, and potential of your young adult.
Your grown child has one more, closely-related task to accomplish…
