Let’s try a better approach together.

I realized very early on that many people choose this profession as a means to help themselves heal and preserve their own wellness. I spent my graduate years studying, researching, and writing about the “person of the therapist.” What better way to learn how to be mentally and emotionally healthy than to get a degree in it, correct? However, eventually each one of us realizes that the boundary between our personal lives and our professional lives is not easy to define.

We bring everything about ourselves into the therapy room when we treat clients. Therapy is a personal relationship that requires our “person” to be there with our “professional” providing care. We bring our own childhoods, our family experiences, our values, our philosophies, our moods, our beliefs, our personalities, our biases, and our own problems into the therapy we do indirectly (and sometimes, directly!).     Most times, we are able to keep our “own stuff” in check and focus on the client’s needs and goals. But, sometimes our own stuff gets triggered, or is too consuming to hold back, and just won’t stay out of the way. We can all accept that this is normal and human. But, as competent and ethical therapists, it is also something we need to acknowledge and address. Our personal lives affect the therapy we provide.

At the same time, it can often be difficult not to bring our work home with us. The therapy we provide affects our personal lives. We are concerned about our clients in crisis, the CPS report for the abused child, the marriage on the brink of divorce, and the family in conflict. We want to see people overcome problems and restore health and wellness. But listening to problems and encouraging growth can be draining at times. We come home and have less energy, understanding, or empathy to give to our partners or families. We seek to be the one listened to and cared for after a busy day and not vice versa. Our work directly affects our personal lives outside the therapy room.

Experiencing therapy from both the client’s and therapist’s view, I offer a perspective from the inside out and outside in. My passion is to help “the helpers” lead healthy lives and care for themselves, so they, in turn, can help others to do the same. We are role models. Having healthy marriage and families should be a priority for ourselves first, and then, our clients.