TO COLLEGE AND BEYOND! Task 7: In Search of the Authentic Life
Closely related to the last vector, the final stage of development for your mature, 20-something child, may be the most self-fulfilling. At this stage, young adults are less ego-centered (what is best for me) and more super-ego conscious (what is best for all?). The purpose they pursue is not intended to just benefit them, but benefit their family, their community, and perhaps, the world. Living according to their values, considering the needs of others, and having a clear sense of morality will help them to achieve self-fulfillment. The final vector they will pursue is DEVELOPING INTEGRITY.
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This stage of development is not just a hoop to jump through or a challenge whose resolution comes easily. In fact, for many, this is an enduring pursuit in life. Integrity is the sense of living according to one’s ideals; behaving in ways that are consistent with one’s values; and aligning one’s thoughts, feelings, and reactions. In essence, it is living the authentic life.
It is when integrity is compromised that many people find themselves struggling with self-doubt, depressed moods, and heightened anxiety. We all want to live at peace within ourselves, and not achieving that peace can be the root of many problems. Living with integrity brings us a sense of wholeness with an undivided psyche.
Integrity also tends to go hand in hand with morality. People with integrity not only know right from wrong, they want to make decisions for the greater good and live with a clear conscience. They are more likely to abide by the law and seek justice. They invest in the world beyond themselves and treat others as they desire to be treated. At this stage, young adults embrace the Golden Rule they learned all the way back in kindergarten as more than a rule, but as a primary life principle.
At this stage of development, your young adult is a fully functioning citizen in their community, recognized as an adult, and contributing to society.
AND BEYOND. . .
So as you can see, these years from 18-25 years old are packed full of developmental tasks that your child will work to achieve as they grow into a healthy adult. They will grow through what they go through! It is the struggle and process that will form them. Just like the chick must struggle to hatch from the egg, in order to build life sustaining skills, so must your child struggle with the tasks of young adulthood to become a functioning adult. They will learn to express and manage their emotions in order to create meaningful connections with others. The knowledge and competencies they acquire will help them to function effectively in life. The relationships they form and collective resources they acquire will provide support through the years. Their autonomy, formation of identity, and integrity will define them. These years are a refining fire, a time of rebirth, a social moratorium, an exciting stage of life development. . . so much more than you, and they, consciously realize!
You may just be dropping your child off at college, but in just a few short years, you will be picking up an adult! This is an exciting time of rapid change, growth, and development. Remember, the process is far more important than the product. A degree is only a piece of paper. It is the person holding the degree that possesses the future potential!
