The Female. Dr. Phil
Over and over again, my clients tell me that I am not what they expected. Whether they worked with other therapists in the past, or assumed what therapy would be like based on tv shows, books, or friends’ descriptions, they quickly conclude that I am different. A few of my clients have referred to me as “the female Dr. Phil,” and while at first I was taken aback, I have started to see why.
Much of counseling theory is based in a Rogerian (think Carl Rogers), humanistic approach. In this style, the counselor listens to the client, reflects what has been heard, offers empathy and validation, and encourages the client to seek their own solutions. And while all of those skills are important to establishing rapport and nurturing a supportive relationship, they often fall short of inciting change.
For me, that is how counseling and therapy are different. Counseling traditionally offers a neutral space to talk through thoughts and feelings, in an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, that is supportive and safe. Therapy is about change. And while, in therapy, I strive to create that same nonjudgmental, safe space for my clients to process their thoughts and feelings and receive support, my goal is to facilitate an experience that helps them to change. I want them to grow through what they go through, and come out with relief and hope for the future on the other side.
Therefore, we do a lot more than talking and listening in my therapy sessions. Once I complete a thorough assessment of my clients’ lives and have a good understanding of their concerns, I:
Help them establish achievable goals. . .How do you want your life/relationship/issue to be different at the end of therapy?
Explain the process of change and theory behind my planned interventions and the rationale behind them.
Create in session exercises to help them explore and break down their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Share insight and hypotheses that help them understand their issues and concerns, where their issues stem from, and how they affect their current life and functioning.
GIve honest feedback, couched with care and compassion, because I desire to see my clients resolve their concerns.
Offer my transparent opinion and advice based on years of experience, training, knowledge, and research, to help them change.
Invite them to consider the moral, spiritual, and ethical implications of their actions and decisions according to their values and the person they want to be.
Instruct them about what is happening in their brain and body and how to respond to it more effectively.
Guide them in connecting to others and establishing trusting relationships.
Encourage healthy expression of their emotions and show them how to allow and manage intense feelings.
Challenge them to think more broadly and mindfully about their concerns, actions, and reactions and expand their thinking.
Teach them skills to create change in their lives and relationships.
Give them homework to continue making progress in between sessions.
Set them up with the resources they need to maintain their gains and stability for the future.
I want my clients to leave each session not only feeling heard, understood, and supported, but with a feeling of accomplishment and progress, with actionable steps toward their goals.
Every client’s needs and pace are different. Some clients want to take giant leaps and others prefer change to occur in baby steps. I let my clients set the pace for moving forward with sensitivity to their struggles, resources, and needs.
We start sessions by checking in on where they are at and if anything has come up that we need to detour to and address. If not, we return to where we left off on our plan for change. I also gently hold my clients responsible for working on their issues outside the therapy room and celebrate their progress.
I always end my sessions by asking my clients for feedback. What was helpful? How will they use our session to move toward their goals? What did they learn that they want to remember? I allow them to hold me accountable, as well, for providing therapy that is useful and effective in helping them to achieve relief, find resolution, and build relationships.
If you are looking to make changes in your life or relationships, and are ready to make a plan and get results, please reach out. I would be honored to join you on that journey!
