“DEAR EVAN HANSEN”: Family Discussion Guide
I am not a movie buff, so it is rare that I would promote a new release. But I do love a good musical! So, when a musical becomes a movie, it usually catches my attention and draws me to the big screen. When the message is as powerful as Dear Evan Hansen, I can’t resist promoting it!
Before I even get into my commentary on the movie, let me preface it by saying that no movie reflects every person’s experience or story. And no movie will speak to everyone in the same way. When it comes to a movie such as Dear Evan Hansen, that addresses such a mentally-triggering, emotion-inducing topic, some will identify with parts of it and love it, some will be negatively triggered by it and hate it, and some would be wise, for their own well-being, not to see it at all (like young children).
The Plot
Dear Evan Hansen deals with the teen culture of today, focusing not only on mental illness and teen suicide, but on broken people and struggling families. Evan Hansen is a teen boy who lives alone with his mom, after his dad abandoned them years ago. He struggles to make friends, feels like a “nobody” at school, and sees a therapist begrudgingly for depression. He fights the demons of loneliness, rejection, and hopelessness; so much so, that he considers whether he even wants to keep living. He encounters another boy in school, Connor Murphy, who struggles with many of the same battles. Instead of shying away from people like Evan, Connor takes a more aggressive approach and rejects people before they can reject him. Having also lived through his parent’s divorce and then blending into a new stepfamily, Connor turns to drugs to deal with his lifelong mood instability, difficulty fitting in, and confusion. For Connor, life is consistently unstable and he, too, contemplates death as an escape from it all.
In my opinion, the movie and musical do an excellent job of illuminating a multitude of perspectives and telling the stories of emotional battles people face every day. . .
The Characters
We get a glimpse into the life of a single mom, who is trying her best to provide for her child, balancing the need to work with the need to be available. She puts in extra hours to pay for therapy for her son, feeling guilty about her failed marriage and her son’s loss of a dad. Imperfect and worried that she is letting her son down, she quietly struggles to heal from her own disappointment and rejection. She truly wants her son to be happy, but often avoids the hard conversations so she can believe he will be okay.
We see a stepfamily that looks so good from the outside. They have a beautiful house, take big vacations, engage in the latest health trends, host parties, tout successful careers, and. . .pay for the best and most promising rehab programs for their depressed and drug addicted son. A sibling who lives with a dark cloud over her head feels vicariously ostracized because of her brother’s mental illness. An optimistic mom willing to try anything to be sure everything will be ok, hides the pain behind a perfect family façade. A stepdad, who wishes for a different kind of son, is frustrated and angry, and buries his regrets and grief in his work. A family isolated by a secret, desperately wants to tell a different story than their own. And then, they find someone who unwittingly writes that story for them.
We also take a look behind the masks of the kids at school. The smart girl and student body leader who never feels good enough or smart enough takes meds to fill the void. The boy struggling to define his sexual identity flies just under the radar of his peer’s notice and ridicule. The popular kids work hard every day to maintain their social status and prove they are worthy of others’ love and attention. The athletes fear the day they are not on their game.
And two boys, who long to fit in, be accepted, and be included. To be found.
“Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?”
As the plot unfolds, we are left with a family grieving, each in their own way. Relationships get torn apart, wondering “what if”. . .
The Message
And the opportunity for everyone to come together, for a common cause, to save another life on the brink.
Dear Evan Hansen tells some part of the story of every teen and family. It goes behind closed doors to reveal the pressures, isolation, and emotional angst that many teens face today and reveals the worried, distracted, and overwhelmed parents who don’t know what to do to help their kids. It reaches beyond parent, school, or societal blame to empathize with everyone’s inner struggle to be their best, be loved, and be seen.
The musical, however, trumps the movie by going one step further. While the movie centers more on mental illness, adolescent development, and family dysfunction, the musical additionally spotlights the role of social media in teens’ lives. In the musical, we see how all of these hidden struggles and issues get brutally exposed on screens that broadcast every triumph and mistake a person makes. Like a childhood game of telephone, one comment triggers a chain reaction of miscommunication far beyond a person’s grasp for power or dignity. And once out there, the comment takes on a life of its own. Social media, like a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, destructive deity overpowers the lives that pay homage to it, and leaves a teen trapped in the battle between the need for acceptance and self-humility.
The Invitation
This movie has the ability to serve as a welcome invitation for some important family conversations between parents and teens. Depression, mental illness, teen suicide, peer pressure, social media use, divorce, step-parenting, single parenting, stigma, anxiety, social status, parental abandonment, family communication, grief, loss, isolation, compassion, comparison to others, authenticity and vulnerability, search for meaning. . .there are so many worthy topics for parents and teens to discuss after seeing this movie.
